When is the next meetup?

Like any other techie who is about to move base, I did my homework well before moving into Singapore. I spent a good four weeks looking for places to stay, publishing ads on the internet, checking the street view of every possible lane that lead to my (to-be) office in Singapore. However I didn’t really do much research to know about the social life in Singapore. I have never really put in much effort in the past to build a social circle, as it just happened without much effort. I came here totally unprepared and paid the price for it in the initial few weeks. Nobody really entertains strangers here.

I credit myself to quite a few failed attempts of socializing. I joined a salsa class, started going to the community gym, talked to almost any neighbour I met in the lift, almost got bitten by the neighbour’s dog, nothing worked! Finally one of my friends suggested me to check out “meetup.com”. At first I thought it would be just another online dating website and I hadn’t got so desperate to signup for one. However, with all the free time that I had after work, I did sign-up for a few groups. Unexpectedly it has been one of my saviours in a country of strangers. In past five months now, I have become a regular face in some of the meetup group events and met a lot new people. I have managed to make some good friends and some friends for life, however it’s not really very common to bump into like minded people at these event. Sooner I realized, people who were genuinely at these events to meet new people were mostly expats who were in a similar situation like me, and had given up on other ways to build a social life. However, I also met a lot of people, who were there for some other agenda, and I have had the most hilarious experience with them. In the few meetups that I have attended I can guess the agenda of a person by the way they behave at a meetup. Let me introduce some of these people..

The Multi Level Marketing guys:
I am sure each one of my reader must have met one of these kinds of people some time in life. These are the people who show you dreams of Mercedes and BMWs and tells you that you have a useless job that would never let you achieve these. The only way to achieve these is by selling some exotic toothpaste or shampoo or some other products and trapping more of your friends to do the same. These are people alienated all their friends in a bid for the BMW and now in the hunt for new friends (read business partners). These are people who usually don’t buy a drink for a “drink and dinner” event. The usual conversation with these guys is like
Me: Hey! I am Anup.
Jack: Hey! I am really very glad to meet you. I am Jack.
Me: Same here. So Jack, what do you do?
Jack: I am a business man. I live in a condo in Tampines and I drive a Mercedes. My daughter goes to Raffles school and I have got 3 exotic pet dogs.
Me: Great! (Yeah right!! And you don’t have enough money to buy yourself a drink)
Jack: You would be surprised to know what my business is. I don’t even have an office.. I work from home.. But still I managed to be so successful.
Me: OKAAAYYY!!! (I think I know where he is getting.. run.. run for your life!!!!)
Jack: Don’t you want to know what I do?
Me: (I gulp down my drink even if it’s a full glass and try hard not to make a face.. and make the most obvious statement) I would love to know, but first let me get myself a drink.. Will get back to you in a while.. (And I run.. and just hope that I don’t bump into the guy again that evening)

The weirdos:
Its difficult to define these kinds, because they can be weird in many ways. After the first few experiences, I realized I should avoid any person who doesn’t have a drink in their hand. It just proved they were not there with the single agenda of selling something, atleast not in the first meeting. However, that doesn’t filter out the weirdos. It’s difficult to categorize all the weirdos together. I have met people who can talk at a pitch that my ear drums could burst or laugh to scare the kids in the neighbourhood, or the worst kinds who dance in the weirdest form and I don’t want to be seen anywhere beside them, but they keep pulling me back on the dance floor. But some of the weirdos are just exceptional!

I once met a middle aged Chinese man at an event, and tried to have some small talk. Trying not to make it obvious that I was interested only in talking to the girls, I said Hi to him. At first anything I said to the Chinese man, the only response I got was a nod. The longer the question the longer he would nod. Where are you from? He nodded for 2 seconds. You know it’s really hot today, Do you think it’s going to rain later? He nodded for 5 seconds.. in 35 seconds I realized he didn’t understand a shit of what I said and he wouldn’t stop nodding. Well, I did my usual trick, gulped down my drink and said, Hold on.. I’ll be back in 2 mins. I ran to the bar, ordered a drink and was just looking around to see if there was anyone interesting to talk to. Just as I get the drink and turn around I see the weird Chinese guy standing right behind me waiting for me. I tried ignoring him and talking to other people, but he followed me to every table I went to. He wouldn’t talk, or try to be part of the conversation, but just NOD! Finally, I managed to introduce him to one of my other friend and disappear from there. Later I came to know, he was following my friend for the rest of the evening.

The bridegroom hunters:
Well I think it would be fair enough to suggest that most men who go for the meetup events are looking to hook-up. There is usually a crowd around the tables with good looking girls and if there is just one guy speaking to a girl then there is a crowd of men giving the guy bad looks or showing him thumb up! However, I have met women in meetup events who are not there just to hook-up, but to meet the man of their dream, get married and have children all in less than a year. These are girls who are worried about the biological clock and usually put up a lot of extra make up to look younger. However, there are also a lot of girls there with the same agenda but don’t make it so obvious till you talk to them. They usually have a lot of questions to ask, and I try to stop them before they go on to ask me about my family medical history. It’s like they are on the hunt for a father to their unborn children. I once had a one of the most memorable and funny conversation with one such girl
Me: (Smile)
She: Hi! What’s your name?
Me: (OK! That’s a bold girl) Hi! I am Anup. What’s yours?
She: Sarita. I am sure you are from India. Where are you from?
Me: Mumbai.
She: What do you do here?
Me: I am working for a telecom startup.. and How about u??...
She: What does your telecom statrup do?
Me: (Woow.. lots of question) Oh we are working on some new research prod…
She: Then why are you in Singapore?
Me: (Will she stop?) Well you know we are funded here..
She: How many sibilings do you have?
Me: (What?? Is that even relevant??) One elder brother
She: Is he married?
Me: Yeaa..She: Does he have kids?
Me: (Holly shit!! What is this girl upto? Is this an interview?) I take a while and don’t say anything, and instead of answer her question. I try to ask counter questions and then she starts speak.

In no time she has told me that she is Singaporean, but still holds Indian values! Her ex-boyfriend was an Australian. Her elder sister is married to an American and now its upto her to take ahead the family's Indian culture. At many occasions I tried to stop and move, but I failed. Finally, I used the same old technique, gulp down the drink and run to the bar. However, this time, to overcome the trauma, I gulped down the second drink too..

By the end of the evening if I am too drunk, it must have been a bad event. Well, I have had a lot more experience and met more kind of people than what I have just mentioned, and I am sure it would be enough content to write a book someday. However, with funny, hilarious, painful and annoying experiences all together, meetups still remain one of the best way for me to socialize in Singapore. I have met people from countries, of which I had never heard before. It’s embarrassing to ask them where their country is, but it’s a great experience of meeting people from different cultures and different regions. It’s also a great way of making friends for life. The only question I have after every meetup is.. When is the next meetup?