There is one rule of this house.. there are no rules!!

Working in the IT industry for all these years, I have always hung around with engineers. One of the things that engineers love to share is their experiences of living in a college hostel during their university years. There are always stories about being ragged by seniors, binge drinking, being caught while cheating in an exam and of course first girlfriends. It’s the happy life they lived before renouncing everything and submitting themselves to life in cubicles.

I have never really had a chance to live in hostel or live away from home while I was studying, infact I never got a chance to do it even when I started working. It’s only now at the age of 29, I have moved out of my home town for the first time and living in a new country. One of the most important parts of life away from home is made of people you live with. I have heard from friends how difficult life could be if you don’t get to live with the right kind of people. Fortunately, I got a chance to live with really cool people. Even though my experience doesn’t equate to life in a university hostel, but it’s still an awesome experience!

After living with an old South Indian couple for the first 4 months, I was desperately looking for a new place to live in. I didn’t care how far the place was from the city, or how far it was from office, or how was the neighbourhood. All I knew was I can’t live with a family again, and had to look for working professionals to live with. Luck favoured me and I got in touch with a friend's friend on facebook, who was to move back to India in a few weeks and was looking for someone to take his place in the house. The house was far from city, it would take more than an hour for me to travel to work and didn’t have much to do in the neighbourhood. However, the only thing that appealed to me is that he shared the house with 2 other Indian guys who were working professionals.

I decided to visit them on a weekend to see the place and also meet the guys. After struggling with the GPS to find the exact block I reached the door. I got the first sign of a bachelor’s house, the door bell didn’t work. There were flyers of laundry service, property agents, lock smiths, etc all over the outer grill that no one ever bothered to remove. I had already started to get a feeling that I have found my dream house! After multiple calls, the dude finally picked up the phone and opened the door. It was a Sunday afternoon and he still looked very hung-over and had just dragged himself out of the bed. The house was huge, with good interior and surprisingly clean. The kitchen had a few empty bottles of whiskey and the dustbin had a few empty cans of beer! That was the second sign that I was at the right place and should take the room. However, I was more interested in the people, than the house itself. He knocked on one of the rooms and I got to meet the first guy.

First sign of a Geek - He came out wearing a full sleeve shirt and shorts. I wasn’t surprised to know that he was in the IT industry. The story followed that they all studied together at the university, been in Singapore for many years and living together for past 3-4 years. House mate 1, looked like the guy who could spend hours in front of a computer and solve complex networking problems. He was introvert and didn’t bother to ask many questions. That’s definitely an easy guy to live with. In a while the other guy came home, and he walked in with a Chinese girl. Two things struck me – this guy has got a Chinese girlfriend and it’s cool to bring girls back HOME!!!!! I am sure at the right place!!!! House mate 2 looked a little more extrovert and inquired about my job and stuff. The first question he had to ask was – Do you smoke? Well, I am trying hard to quit, but I don’t mind my house mates smoke!!! I think in 10 minutes I had already decided to live with these guys, it was only upto them to accept me.

I got a call from them after a few days and they offered me the room. In a few weeks time I was ready to move in. One of the guys left for India and I took his room, so it was three of us sharing the house. When I moved in the house, I asked them if there were any rules of the house that I should follow.. I was told.. there is only one rule.. there are no rules!!!

It was a refreshing change after spending 4 torturous months with a family. I didn’t have to rush into my room after getting back at home and avoid annoying tamil soaps on TV. I didn’t have to worry about closing my room door a little hard. I didn’t have to bother about cleaning up the dishes immediately after dinner. I could come back at home and have my dinner in the hall room in front of the TV like it was my own house. Some time my housemates would join me to sit and watch TV together.

While I got to know them better, they also introduced me to their circle of friends. They have a big circle of friends from their university days. I met the group a couple of times for a few drinks on weekends and had an absolutely hilarious time listening to them recalling past events and revealing outright disgusting and embarrassing stories about each other. They kind of knew intrinsic details of each other’s binge drinking stories, visits to dodgy bars and the extreme stories involved loss of virginity!! The most hilarious was when they started bragging about who had the highest capacity to jerk off the most number of times in a single day!! I had never know men could be comfortable about talking such stuff.. These were guys who had lived together through their teenage years and now in their twenties, all of them earning a living, some of them married! They still share a strong friendship, but they also don’t let a chance slip to dig into each other’s embarrassing past...

It didn’t take me much time to learn the trends of the house. There were some typical bachelor’s house trends. A maid visited every 2 weeks to clean up the house and the day I had fist come to see the place was after the maid had just left. So I was deceived by the clean house. Sometimes there would be dishes in the sink for weeks, expecting it to be cleaned when the maid comes next. I have seen some shirts hanging in the drying area for 3 months straight, it’s been drying for so long that there could be cobwebs inside it.. I am not even sure if it’s their shirts or from a previous tenant. The dustbin would get full and overflowing, but no one would bother to empty it.. till I moved in :) I always eagerly wait for the maid’s visit.. However, there are some good trends too, which makes it easier to tolerate the not so good ones.. We live in complete faith and trust. The room doors are left open when we are not at home.. not that there are valuables to steal.. but the fact is that there is nothing to hide. At the same time I can be in my room the whole day with the door shut, and know for sure that I wouldn’t be bothered. One of the funny things is that when they have to say something to each other, they don’t knock on the door, but they text each other. I have got texts like “Dude, do you have some Maggie”. It’s also great fun to just sit on the couch and watch some movies on HBO and have beer together on weekends. It’s like the perfect blend of having a good time with house mates, but also getting enough privacy when needed..

Unfortunately, I know it’s just a temporary phase in life and will pass soon. One of the guy's got a promotion and got posted in the US for 3 years.. He moved out recently.. The other one has been in a steady relationship for a long time and has plans of marriage early next year.. It’s just a matter of time I would have to move again.. I am not sure where life’s gonna take me next. But my first experience of living with house mates has been a memorable one..

When is the next meetup?

Like any other techie who is about to move base, I did my homework well before moving into Singapore. I spent a good four weeks looking for places to stay, publishing ads on the internet, checking the street view of every possible lane that lead to my (to-be) office in Singapore. However I didn’t really do much research to know about the social life in Singapore. I have never really put in much effort in the past to build a social circle, as it just happened without much effort. I came here totally unprepared and paid the price for it in the initial few weeks. Nobody really entertains strangers here.

I credit myself to quite a few failed attempts of socializing. I joined a salsa class, started going to the community gym, talked to almost any neighbour I met in the lift, almost got bitten by the neighbour’s dog, nothing worked! Finally one of my friends suggested me to check out “meetup.com”. At first I thought it would be just another online dating website and I hadn’t got so desperate to signup for one. However, with all the free time that I had after work, I did sign-up for a few groups. Unexpectedly it has been one of my saviours in a country of strangers. In past five months now, I have become a regular face in some of the meetup group events and met a lot new people. I have managed to make some good friends and some friends for life, however it’s not really very common to bump into like minded people at these event. Sooner I realized, people who were genuinely at these events to meet new people were mostly expats who were in a similar situation like me, and had given up on other ways to build a social life. However, I also met a lot of people, who were there for some other agenda, and I have had the most hilarious experience with them. In the few meetups that I have attended I can guess the agenda of a person by the way they behave at a meetup. Let me introduce some of these people..

The Multi Level Marketing guys:
I am sure each one of my reader must have met one of these kinds of people some time in life. These are the people who show you dreams of Mercedes and BMWs and tells you that you have a useless job that would never let you achieve these. The only way to achieve these is by selling some exotic toothpaste or shampoo or some other products and trapping more of your friends to do the same. These are people alienated all their friends in a bid for the BMW and now in the hunt for new friends (read business partners). These are people who usually don’t buy a drink for a “drink and dinner” event. The usual conversation with these guys is like
Me: Hey! I am Anup.
Jack: Hey! I am really very glad to meet you. I am Jack.
Me: Same here. So Jack, what do you do?
Jack: I am a business man. I live in a condo in Tampines and I drive a Mercedes. My daughter goes to Raffles school and I have got 3 exotic pet dogs.
Me: Great! (Yeah right!! And you don’t have enough money to buy yourself a drink)
Jack: You would be surprised to know what my business is. I don’t even have an office.. I work from home.. But still I managed to be so successful.
Me: OKAAAYYY!!! (I think I know where he is getting.. run.. run for your life!!!!)
Jack: Don’t you want to know what I do?
Me: (I gulp down my drink even if it’s a full glass and try hard not to make a face.. and make the most obvious statement) I would love to know, but first let me get myself a drink.. Will get back to you in a while.. (And I run.. and just hope that I don’t bump into the guy again that evening)

The weirdos:
Its difficult to define these kinds, because they can be weird in many ways. After the first few experiences, I realized I should avoid any person who doesn’t have a drink in their hand. It just proved they were not there with the single agenda of selling something, atleast not in the first meeting. However, that doesn’t filter out the weirdos. It’s difficult to categorize all the weirdos together. I have met people who can talk at a pitch that my ear drums could burst or laugh to scare the kids in the neighbourhood, or the worst kinds who dance in the weirdest form and I don’t want to be seen anywhere beside them, but they keep pulling me back on the dance floor. But some of the weirdos are just exceptional!

I once met a middle aged Chinese man at an event, and tried to have some small talk. Trying not to make it obvious that I was interested only in talking to the girls, I said Hi to him. At first anything I said to the Chinese man, the only response I got was a nod. The longer the question the longer he would nod. Where are you from? He nodded for 2 seconds. You know it’s really hot today, Do you think it’s going to rain later? He nodded for 5 seconds.. in 35 seconds I realized he didn’t understand a shit of what I said and he wouldn’t stop nodding. Well, I did my usual trick, gulped down my drink and said, Hold on.. I’ll be back in 2 mins. I ran to the bar, ordered a drink and was just looking around to see if there was anyone interesting to talk to. Just as I get the drink and turn around I see the weird Chinese guy standing right behind me waiting for me. I tried ignoring him and talking to other people, but he followed me to every table I went to. He wouldn’t talk, or try to be part of the conversation, but just NOD! Finally, I managed to introduce him to one of my other friend and disappear from there. Later I came to know, he was following my friend for the rest of the evening.

The bridegroom hunters:
Well I think it would be fair enough to suggest that most men who go for the meetup events are looking to hook-up. There is usually a crowd around the tables with good looking girls and if there is just one guy speaking to a girl then there is a crowd of men giving the guy bad looks or showing him thumb up! However, I have met women in meetup events who are not there just to hook-up, but to meet the man of their dream, get married and have children all in less than a year. These are girls who are worried about the biological clock and usually put up a lot of extra make up to look younger. However, there are also a lot of girls there with the same agenda but don’t make it so obvious till you talk to them. They usually have a lot of questions to ask, and I try to stop them before they go on to ask me about my family medical history. It’s like they are on the hunt for a father to their unborn children. I once had a one of the most memorable and funny conversation with one such girl
Me: (Smile)
She: Hi! What’s your name?
Me: (OK! That’s a bold girl) Hi! I am Anup. What’s yours?
She: Sarita. I am sure you are from India. Where are you from?
Me: Mumbai.
She: What do you do here?
Me: I am working for a telecom startup.. and How about u??...
She: What does your telecom statrup do?
Me: (Woow.. lots of question) Oh we are working on some new research prod…
She: Then why are you in Singapore?
Me: (Will she stop?) Well you know we are funded here..
She: How many sibilings do you have?
Me: (What?? Is that even relevant??) One elder brother
She: Is he married?
Me: Yeaa..She: Does he have kids?
Me: (Holly shit!! What is this girl upto? Is this an interview?) I take a while and don’t say anything, and instead of answer her question. I try to ask counter questions and then she starts speak.

In no time she has told me that she is Singaporean, but still holds Indian values! Her ex-boyfriend was an Australian. Her elder sister is married to an American and now its upto her to take ahead the family's Indian culture. At many occasions I tried to stop and move, but I failed. Finally, I used the same old technique, gulp down the drink and run to the bar. However, this time, to overcome the trauma, I gulped down the second drink too..

By the end of the evening if I am too drunk, it must have been a bad event. Well, I have had a lot more experience and met more kind of people than what I have just mentioned, and I am sure it would be enough content to write a book someday. However, with funny, hilarious, painful and annoying experiences all together, meetups still remain one of the best way for me to socialize in Singapore. I have met people from countries, of which I had never heard before. It’s embarrassing to ask them where their country is, but it’s a great experience of meeting people from different cultures and different regions. It’s also a great way of making friends for life. The only question I have after every meetup is.. When is the next meetup?

Synergy is so simple to achieve

It’s been more than 3 months I have moved out of my home, my country…….. my comfort zone. Even though life has been a little difficult on the social front, it’s been on a slow improvement path. Meeting like minded people looked almost impossible in the initial months, but I have realized it’s only a little difficult but not impossible. Singapore is one country with a lot of expats and a lot of loners like me are looking to meet other people. It’s just about being lucky to bump into the right person.

While I have been spending time meeting strangers and trying to make new friends, I have also been spending a lot of time online keeping in touch with some old mates. One such friend is Bala, he’s a friend from school and we haven’t met in more than 10 years. He moved out of Mumbai much before I did. I don’t have too much recollection of our friendship in school days, but I remember he was like this dream child of every Indian parent. He used to be the class topper in almost everything and I probably hated him for that..LOL. We just happened to meet each other on one of the social networking sites and have been in regular touch for a few years now.

From the random strangers that I have been meeting in Singapore, I happened to meet this British guy, Dominic. Well I must say he is one of the most unbiased and easy going western guys I have met in my life. It doesn’t take too much for men to get along, just some common interests – booze, music, sports and girls! Dom has shown me a different perspective in life. He works only as much he requires to work, he has travelled and lived around the world. He has friends probably from every continent in the world. For him, life is not about slogging, making a fortune and having a family, but it’s about working smartly, travelling and experiencing as much one can in a single life!

During one of the depressing weekend in Singapore, I was trying to plan a short vacation for myself. This was before I had met Dom, but I had got some hints from Bala that he too was looking to go on a vacation. The first destination that came into my mind was Thailand – It has beautiful beaches, it’s one of the cheapest destinations around south east asia, and it has the most famous night life.

The most difficult part is to find the right people to go on a trip with. I hadn’t met Bala in more than 10 years, but I had a strong vibe that we would get along well and can have a great trip together. Even though it’s easier for men to usually get along with each other, it could work otherwise sometimes. One mismatch in the group could ruin the whole trip. We had to find someone who would fit the mind set – likes to booze, likes to go out partying, loves travelling and most important, should have the exact same budget as others. Little mismatch in the budget could ruin the trip for others. The initial few weeks that I knew Dom, I knew he could be a big spender and hence I was hesitant to invite him for the trip. However, over the weeks I realized he is extremely compatible and easy going. I asked him to join us and he readily agreed, the dates were fixed, the flight tickets booked and we were ready to head out.

So effectively it was a group of 3 men, from different cultures and different background, getting together for a single motive of having and a good vacation together. I was the common link between the other two guys and had this constant fear in my mind about how the other two guys would get along. However, I didn’t have to worry anymore after the first 10 mins that we spent together. It’s unbelievable how easily men can get along with each other. Within 10 mins they were cracking jokes and giving high fives to each other. We were ready to experiment with any food, any drink and any place that was visible to us and there was absolutely no conflict of opinion. The best part was there was neither any conflict of budget, we could mutually agree on how much to spend. The first night I remember all of us were drunk and we had fried grasshoppers from the roadside stalls in Pattaya. We were all high and laughing uncontrollably on God know what jokes! Even though none of us had spent too much time with each other in the past, we were like a group of best childhood buddies out on a vacation of a lifetime!

Couple of days into the vacation, I got a call from another school friend of mine – Bhumit, who is based in Singapore. He was keen to join us for the weekend, so we all headed to Bangkok together. We grew from being a group of three to four and still the synergy was unharmed. Between Bhumit, Bala and myself it was like a old school reunion. But all of use made sure Dom didn’t feel left out and it turns out it was Dom’s witty sense of humour that kept us cracking most of the time. By the end of the trip we had names for each other which I can’t disclose here ;)

I have had experiences of introducing common friends to each other in the past, so that we could be one bigger group and spend a good time together. However, it hasn't been as successful in the past. When I try to analyze what was different, the first thing that comes into my mind is – there weren’t any girls involved in this group. I am not trying to be sexist, but this is from experience. It just proves that men are much simpler creatures and more social, they have limited interest and it’s very easy for them to find and get along with people of common interest.

This is the first time I got a chance to get a group of men together for a trip and it has been by far the best trip of my life. There were some not so pleasant experiences at the place, however what made the trip really memorable is the company. All it takes is a group of men with good sense of humour, some common interest and a lot of alcohol!!! To Bala, Dom and Bhumit.. Thanks for being the person you are… Cheers!!!!

Dancing with Shakira AUNTY – Part 2

Following story after Part 1

With my prior experience of going to salsa classes in India, I have met a wide range of salsa dancers. Ofcourse there have been some of the gracious ones, and it’s a pleasure to dance with them, but the funny part is to watch the dancers with two left feet and hip stiff like rock. Trust me it’s usually funnier than watching Sunny Deol dancing in Kammo. I am myself not a great dancer, but I have been known for my capabilities of imitating item girls with some hip thrusting action and I can be an outright chamiya dancer when a little drunk. In my favor, salsa involves a lot of hip movements and it just makes me feel like I belonged to it.

So the class begins and for the initial steps people are dancing individually in neatly formed rows. With my prior experience of learning a few lessons, I could easily pickup the basic moves. However, surprisingly there was absolutely no one in the class with 2 left feet. Even though they were old and otherwise not interested in the class, they could really move their body very well. I sure had some serious competition here. However I was the only Indian guy in the class, and fortunately the instructor was pleasantly surprised to see an Indian guy dancing salsa. Later in the class he came-up to me and mentioned, I was better than the other Indian students he had trained. Well I sure got back to him saying he probably hasn’t got a chance to train the good Indian dancers yet, I was just an average.

Mostly I didn’t understand if the trainer spoke English or Chinese. I could only pickup the numbers and the key words – left, right, back, front, “can can” and “OK OK”. Then it was time to try the newly learnt steps in couples, and started the tough part. Most were in couples and I waited 2 mins till everybody found their match and then I got the ultimate shock. The hottest aunty, whom I had been checking out since the beginning of the class was alone. She readily agreed to dance with me. This lady had long golden hair and she was dressed in the sexiest salsa outfit I had ever seen in a dance class. She wore a loose ended skirt ending way above the knee level, a tight top with glitters, freshly painted blue matching nail paints and to top it all, 4 inches heels. The only sign of aging and the obvious one was the heavily wrinkled skin. She has a really sweet smile and I only wished I had met her 40 years back.. Oh.. I mean in my last birth..

So we had a quick introduction and as usual I didn’t really get her name. However, we started dancing to the instructors counts and I realized I was dancing with the best dancer in the class. It’s unbelievable how graciously she could move at her age wearing those high heels. The hip movements were swinging her skirt just like it’s supposed to do in salsa and I am sure a few old men must have been trying hard get a glimpse of something under. Usually while dancing with a stranger, it’s the guys job to make the girl feel comfortable so that she can dance and move openly. Even though I am really not good at the gesture, I didn’t even have to try. It was the lady who made the guy comfortable in this case. That even we danced together for the rest of the evening and sure we were the best couple in the class. The instructor again came to us and the lady and himself spoke in Chinese. Then they both gave me a thumbs up and said "very good ..... can can". I was glad I could impress the lady as much she could impress me with her dancing.

Since then we have together attended some 5 – 6 session. My initial intention was to join some kind of activity where I could socialize with new people. Well that really didn’t happen, as most people here are actually older than my parents. However, I have sure found the best dance partner ever and it’s amazing to learn dancing with her. I am not sure if it would be socially acceptable to ask out a lady older than my mother, but given a chance I would surely want to take her out to some salsa night and dance our guts out. In all these weeks, I never bothered to ask her name again.. but I look forward to every Sunday evening dance session.

Dancing with Shakira AUNTY – Part 1

Singapore has this interesting concept of community clubs. From my experience of living in Mumbai, I knew a real club membership was only for the elite people and the rest were the kind of clubs that would organize Sarvajanik Ganesh Mahotsave or Shirdi yatra. However, as Singapore has been proving its capabilities of giving new definitions to old terms, it has redefined the concept of clubs for me. Each district has a couple of community clubs which has activities for every age groups and the membership doesn’t really cost a bomb. So I headed to the nearby community club one of the weekends to find out sports activities if any available. With the regular man’s ego of not wanting to ask for help, I spent a good half an hour reading through the notice boards to find out what this club was upto. Well at the end I was sure there weren’t any sports activities happening in this club, but most activities were like hobby classes for children. One of them that caught my eye was “Salsa class” for adults. I walk into the reception to first check about the sports, and was told that the sports club is a separate building 2 blocks away. I could had saved the half an hour if I inquired first, but I also came to know of the salsa class. She suggested that the class starts the same day evening, and I can come 15 mins before to talk to the instructor before joining.



I had realized, Singapore usually celebrated “shorts days” on weekends. I am not kidding, the whole country is like wearing shorts, across age groups and genders. Contrary to experience of going to a mall in Mumbai on a weekend in shorts, where I feel alienated among over dressed people who come to the supper market with makeup on to buy grocery, I used to feel in place when I walked into a mall in Singapore in my shorts. Well, the experience was only till I reached the dance class.

First step – “I think I am at the right place”. I could hear Latin American music going on and the instructor calling out 1 – 2 – 3 - 4.. The place looked huge with huge glass walls but they were not dancing salsa. Then I realized, I was before time and this was the bachata-tango batch going on. This short Chinese guy wearing a cap was the instructor.

Second step – “Is there a dress code?”. As I walked into the class I realized this crowd was not celebrating the shorts day. Every man was dressed in trousers and shirt with leather shoes. Every woman was dressed in a skirt and top and high heels. I convinced myself by thinking, this must be a dress rehearsal for the batch before some big performance.

Third step – “Is this a senior citizen batch?”. After I had gazed through the over dressed crowed I started looking for familiar faces, I mean, I was trying to find out if there are any Indians in the batch. Well unfortunately most of them were Chinese.. sorry all of them were Chinese. However, a closer look I realized that most of the men were balding from the back of their heads or had grey hair. An even further closer look I realized most of the women had wrinkles on their faces. They showed signs of aging, but still they were all enthu to learn Bachata. Another thing I realized about Chinese people, is that after 20 they directly turn 60. It’s almost impossible to guess the age of a middle aged Chinese man or woman, they have the exact same hair, skin n body structure all through their life till they suddenly start aging at 60. Most of the people in this batch showed signs of aging..

Effectively most of the people in the batch were in couples. Clearly most of the men were not interested, but were dragged by their wife to join them for a salsa batch. I think each couple must have been married for a minimum of 20 years, and the tenure of their marriage was very visible in their dance. Salsa being the intimate form of dancing shows the intimacy level in couples when they are dancing. The stranger couples who just met at the dance class would only be pretending to hold each other and dance with enough space between them for a tree to be planted. The young couples would be hardly dancing, but more interested in the body brushing each other. They enjoy just holding each other tight with no space for air to pass through them. But here I saw the long married couples the ladies held their husbands like they were dancing with a robot and the men held the ladies like they were dancing with a pillar.

Fourth step – “Come join us?”. The Bachata batch just got over and the assistant instructor came upto me. I was a little fumbled and trying to digest all that I had seen. I just asked is this the salsa beginners batch. She said “Yes. You join?” I asked “Any trial?” she again said “You join?” I said “No fees today” she said “OK. Pay next week”. So that was the enrollment process and I was part of the batch

The following part of this blog entry will be posted early next week...

Met new people and instantly became family

I have completed 1 months in Singapore, and effectively the only weekend activity that I did in the whole month is one visit to a dance bar, that too was accidental (Shared the story in the earlier article). So I decided to visit a friend who lives in Jakarta. Considering my current situation of a broke entrepreneur, it was a tough decision to make if it was worth visiting Jakarta for a weekend at a cost of around 300$, or should I stay home and save some money. However, I realized if I haven’t had a decent long conversation with another human being in person in past 4 weeks, and another week like this would drive me crazy. I think more than a decent conversation, I have been longing for the drunk conversations, I have been missing the comment “you are drunk” when I laugh uncontrollably on nothing. So I took the plunge and decided to spend the money and buy air tickets on the cheapest budget airlines. The plan was to fly out on Friday night, spend the weekend at a friend’s place and return on Sunday night. I calculated, and was happy to realize that the air fare was actually cheaper than a Rajdhani train journey.

Just a day before I was to fly out, my friend buzzed me on IM and mentioned, there was some urgent meeting called from head office and he would have to fly to India for two days on Saturday. Now comes the bitter truth of budget airlines – you can’t cancel the tickets and rescheduling is as good as buying new tickets. We didn’t have a choice, but to go ahead with the plan and catch-up for Friday night. He was very sweet to offer me to stay over at his place, while he was not there.

So I get there on Friday night, and he came to pick me up. On the way to his place I realized, he was extra sweet to pick me up in spite of the annoying traffic. I think if I was in his place, I would have had asked my friend to take a cab. Took us around 2 hours to get home which ideally should be around 40 mins drive. I thought to myself, this must be the way Jakarta wanted to welcome me and make me feel at home (in Mumbai).. And actually the truth is that Jakarta is almost same as Mumbai with a little better roads and a lot of smoke. Wait! The smoke is not from the cars, but from people’s lungs. It’s like the whole country smokes!!! Well I couldn’t resist myself light up one. We reached home and sat drinking till 4.00 in the morning. It was not necessarily a drunk conversation, but sure a healthy one. I finally communicated with another human being, which was more than just small talks.. I felt so content!!

With too much of alcohol in the blood streams, and a bad hangover, woke up next morning to realize my friend was packing to leave. So I was trying to convince myself that it was atleast better than spending a lonely weekend in Singapore. My friend had a huge collection of DVDs and a PS2!!! I was game to spend the 2 days at his place.. at home.. watch DVDs.. play a few games.. finish all the beer that he had stocked.. and leave on Sunday night. Before leaving, he just called home one of his Indian friends from the neighbourhood and introduced me to her. I’ll call her ‘S’. ‘S’ was this 101% Mumbaikar, energetic, enthusiastic young lady (married!!) . I was very glad to meet a fellow like-minded mumbaikar!! So she just mentioned, she had plans to meet some of her friends and I could tag along.. However, nothing concrete. So they left, then I went about taking a walk alone around the neighbourhood. The English speaking population of Jakarta is very low, so I had to use my expressive body language to order a burger. I think my sign of a chicken looked like a buffalo to the girl, and got a beef burger instead of a chicken. However, I am person of low expectations in such situations, just had what I got and left.

Spent the afternoon surfing through my friend’s DVD collection, and watching a classic comedy. There was no phone call or replies from either S or some of the other ex-colleagues I knew in Jakarta. I was just getting ready to spend the night at home, when I got a call from S early in the evening. She mentioned, that she was going out “shopping” with 3 other German girl friends of hers and if I had nothing else to do I could join them. So I had to decide between a few slapstick comic movies (if I were lucky they might just have some nude scenes in it) or an evening with 4 girls out shopping. Well how bad or boring could it be to accompany 4 girls shopping, sure it would be a new experience to meet German girls, and anyways the nude scenes in the movie were uncertain.

So here I am, with an energetic mumbaikar in the cab, on the way to a shopping mall to meet her friends. I get there and realize only one of them is her friend and the other two are the friend’s friend. What the heck! They are all new faces to me, I didn’t care to do a background check. I’ll call the German friend “A”. If S was energetic then A=SX2. Within 30 seconds of the conversation, she had already invited me to join her with her friends for a party night. I don’t know if I come across as a cool guy, or a harmless guy or what, but I never expected to be accepted in a group so easily. So effectively my friend introduced me to S, then S introduced me to A, then A suggested I join her friends for a party the same night. I don’t really think I could come across like a cool or a harmless guy, surely not in 30 seconds of meeting a person. I realize that these people are friendly like no other people I have met in life. No judgments, about how I look, how I would behave, what I would say or the worst .. would I misbehave or get drunk.. never mind.. I am just accepted in the group! WOW!

So I get home, excited and singing to myself “I got a feeling… that tonight gonna be a good night…. Wooo hooo!!”. In a while ‘A’ comes home with 4 of her friends. I was a little surprised to see her friends along, as wasn’t expected. Also, I am really not the owner of the house to host a party for people. However, we ended-up finished half a bottle of my friends collection of alcohol and hit out to the party. So here I am, with 4 unknown people but very friendly, heading to a pub called “Blow Fish” and really looking forward to rock the night.


“Blow Fish” was a regular high end pub like we see in Mumbai, but with the best music I have heard in life. The whole night they played great hip hop, and then gradually grew into trance. I thought the European girls would be sophisticated and would have a lot of air around her. But herself and the Indonesian guys were the most down to earth, and also crazy party animals. We danced like there was no tomorrow and this is the last party of our life. People who have seen me dancing, know I can get crazy, but guys trust me.. this girl was unbeatable! I finally accepted defeat at around 3.30 in the morning when I had to find a place to sit and she continued to find places to dance on a crowded dance floor. We had our small jokes on couples making out or girls in super short dresses, and I felt like I was with people I have known for years.

This is not the end. Next day I get a message from “A” and “S” to join them for lunch. When I met them, they met me like we are the best buddies with a tight hug, and we couldn’t help but just laugh without a joke, after last night’s crazy dancing. We also meet the other two German girls for lunch. It was the best Indian food I have had overseas, I couldn’t stop licking my fingers after finishing the tandoori chicken. And guess what! The German girls could eat it as much in an Indian way. I accompanied them for a little more shopping and then we headed home. While parting ways, I actually felt that I was leaving close friends and going away.. the same way I felt when I parted from my friends in Mumbai. Never knew people could bring that feeling into me within 48 hours of meeting them.

So I pack in time and rush to the airport.. thinking to myself “Now I am prepared to spend another 4 weeks of lonely and tough life in Singapore”. But the bigger thought was “Now I have a family in Jakarta and its only 90 mins away from Singapore”. In this weekend, I haven’t made friends but I think I just joined a family.

Thumka at Jhumka!!!

So it’s been 2 weeks I have come to Singapore, and I have had my share of experiences of moving into a new city/ country. Lots happened over the past two weeks, and it’s the ongoing process of observing and learning the culture from people around. However, the outstanding experience was lastnight..

I have been missing family, friends and home for sure, but there is also a constant effort to socialize and make new friend here. I just happened to recollect that an old friend had moved to Singapore a year back, and tracked his phone number. When I called him, I was excited, speaking and swearing in Hindi and laughing our guts out on stupid jokes. I was pleasantly surprised to know that he is managing a night club in one of the most happening clubbing location of Singapore – Boat quay. I just got the address from him, and decided to drop in that evening, expecting to meet a few new people and build my social circle.

Thrilled and excited about having my first social event on a Friday night at a night club I left home. So I get to the place, and double check on Google maps, if I am at the right place, as it didn't look as happening as I expected. This place was not on boat quay, but off boat quay on a by lane. The name of the place was Jhumka! Just when I was trying to recheck the address on the phone, my friend stepped out for a smoke. I met him, hugged like meeting my lost brother after many years and stood there outside having small talks. Apparently the club is a Bollywood night club. It was not what I was expecting, but I got excited, as I would get to hear some Hindi music. Ideally while in India I would had hated to go to a club playing Bollywood music, but here I was super excited ready to hear some loud meaningless Hindi songs. That’s what a foreign country does to you, makes you love your country more!

We walk in and I get a shock of my life.. this place is no night club.. It’s what Indians call a “Dance Bar”.. The dance bar, that I always fancied going to when I was in Mumbai. The dance bar I had heard about a million times from my friends, but could never get an opportunity to go. The dance bar which used to be the life line of Mumbai night life! So, here I am more than 3000 kms away from Mumbai, but feeling very much in Mumbai.

The place was dimly lit with cheap rotating disco lights. It had a bar counter with the DJ (actually more of a wannabe DJ) and the bar tender. Then there was the dance floor with around four-five girls dancing on a bright lit dance floor exactly the same way we had seen Tabbu in Chandni Bar. They were wearing heavily studded ghagra cholis with a piece of transparent chunni covering the midriff. They sure didn’t look Indian or Chinese, but somewhere in between. Later came to know, most of them were Nepali. What they were doing, couldn’t be called dancing, they were swaying with the music with their hands moving left to right and head nodding left to right..

I grabbed a beer and got ready for the new experience in life. There was some super loud heavy beat Prabhudeva song playing, and I closed my eyes to enjoy the music in my mind and virtually dancing my ass off like the mad crowd of Mumbai dance on Ganpati visarjan. When I opened my eyes, I see this unenthusiastic girls swaying slowly to a hard beat song.

Close to midnight the crowd started coming in. Started with a few middle aged, pot bellied uncles with their laptop bags. One of them walked in very slowly, trying to be unnoticed, but checking from the corner of his eye, if there were any known people. Then came a few young enthu software techies (could make from their faces they were nerds). I heard one of them crib, there was no wi-fi coverage for his iPhone. The alcohol started flowing and the dance floor started getting crowded. The girls started pulling the men onto the dance floor. The ultimate dancer of the night was the shy uncle. He had no sense of music or dance, but sure had a lot of energy to move rigorously. A few girls had to actually step down from the dance floor to make space for the uncle. Then came the tall and heavy guy with long hair and a tilak on his forehead. He looked like Sanjay Dutt coming straight from the sets of Vastav!! Sure, seemed to be a regular, when a few waiters greeted him. These are people who come to a dance bar, listen to loud music, get crazy drunk, but wouldn’t even move a toe in the name of dance. He sat at a corner all night observing the girls.

Slowly the money started flowing. As this was in Singapore, it had to be a little sophisticated. There weren’t anyone throwing the money on the floor, but like a gentleman would hand over the money to the girls. The DJ who was a horrible mixer, played Munni badnam hui, Saki Saki, Kajrare Kajrare and every possible item songs a thousand times each. I could see stash of 10 dollar bills, and the first thing that came into my mind was each bill is worth 350 Rs. There were special requests for solo performances, where the girls did a little more than just swaying. A solo performance is when the guy making the requests gets to dance alone with the girl, while the rest of the crowd sits and watch them. The belly dancers in each girl awoke as the dollars started flowing and there were more of thumkas to see.

I checked the watch, it was quarter to 1 and the last MRT had already left. I thought to myself, what the heck, I can afford a cab back home on a party weekend and ordered for a few more beers. I couldn’t resist myself and hit the dance floor a couple of times, but I realized, the dance floor was only for the men who showed the dollars. None of the girls entertained me, as I danced alone for a few seconds. I was making a fool of myself, but that’s the beauty of being high.. you don’t care!

Around 1.30 I stepped out for some fresh air, and realized I could hear nothing but a beep sound in my ear. I was sitting close to the speaker all night, and my ear drums had gone numb. I had to call it a night and bid good bye to my friend.

I kept thinking to myself, what are these guys actually paying for? In the west, men would get a lap dance and probably more for the money. If the girls here were to give a lap dance with the heavily studded ghagra, it sure would bruise the hell out of the man’s lap! So there are men, who are throwing away dollars just to hold hands and dance with the girls and flirt a bit. I realized, even if I ever become a millionaire, I would never be convinced to throw away hard earned money at something like this which has no value for money.. However, I am glad for the girls that they can earn a living out of this.

Oh Yeah!! The best part of the evening.. for my first visit, the beers were free for me. So effectively, I really couldn’t build a social circle for myself, but it sure was a rocking night for me with a lot of loud and cheap Hindi music which made me feel in my country. And I also had my first experience of a desi dance bar outside my desh!