Dating in 30s.. the never ending checklist!!

In continuation of my earlier post.. I would like to clarify that, while I am happily unmarried, I have been exploring all possibilities of meeting someone new.. dating.. and going through the whole grind of relationship development lifecycle.. :-).. If there was a certified course for that, I would had been holding it ;-)

I suppose 30s is probably the most difficult part of life to date... in comparison to 20s and 40s.. I guess 20s its mostly the hormones driving the relationship.. doesn’t matter how inappropriate the match looks.. I guess this is when all the hot girls choose the ugly boys;-)  While 40s is when people are just ready to ignore all the baggages and pursue the flickering light at the end of the tunnel and make something work.. this is when looks doesn’t matter et all, its all about the bank balance and terminal illnesses.. 

30s is a different ball game.. We all have had our share of experiences.. but we haven’t given up on finding the right match (I am not using the word perfect match.. as I have realised by now, it doesn’t exist).. 

Over the years I have worked on a long checklist.. this is not a list of “must have”.. but its a list of “must not have”.. Every failed relationship leads to another few points added to the list.. However, at 30s, no matter how flexible I am with my list.. the probability of me clearing through the other person’s list is almost close to zero.. 

While I haven’t totally given in yet by registering on shaadi.com, I did put in some significant amount of effort to meet new people and joined a singles only networking group. The comforting fact was that I am not the only one in 30s and single.. But meeting someone socially.. having a conversation and asking her out just seems too much of an effort.. 

I was never good at asking someone’s number.. while earlier it was due to the possibility of a rejection and an awkward moment.. now I am more scared that the girl might actually give me her number.. I will call her.. we would date.. spend a few weeks knowing each other and eventually realise that the check list doesn’t match.. poof!!!! at the end of it I have only grown 4 months older not sure how much wiser.. but still single!!.. 

I wish there could be just a software program that makes match making simpler.. like Sheldon found Amy in The Big Bang Theory.. Catchup for a date and straight go back to her place or bring her back to your place and figure out if rest of the things match that the software couldn’t identify.. If not.. move on.. you have at least saved 4 precious months of your life.. While I can only wish for it.. all I am doing is building on my checklist! 

Bangalore Vs Singles

In the one and a half years in Bangalore, I have realized this city is made for married couples. While, I don’t have anything against the married people, and got a lot of friends who are married, what bothers me about this city is they can’t see single people having a good time. Bangalore defies the famous saying of grass is always greener on the other side.. People here don’t see anything green about being single.. It's more like a draught ridden side where the singles live.

While I have been asked a million times “When are you getting married?”.. It used to be family and relatives asking this, which was OK and I could laugh it out.. But bangalore believes in asking the question to any random people they meet.. 

One day while waiting for the elevator in my apartment, an old south indian uncle came and stood next to me.. trying to be friendly I started some small talks.. In less than a minute the conversation lead to “Oh you should get married very soon.. Find a nice girl and get..” I didn’t wait for the statement to finish and ran out of the elevator. I really wanted to say.. Uncle!! I find nice girls all the time.. just that they don’t find me nice enough!!! Nice in bangalore means guy with a well paying IT job who happens to travel to the US/ UK/ Europe.. even Dilbert traveling to Elbonia is a nice boy!!

Extreme was when the question changed from “When are you getting married??” to “Why aren’t you married yet??”.. I have written down a response to this.. Actually some pictures of me with strippers in Pattaya happened to go viral.. After that every girl I approach on Shaadi.com, googles for my name and comes across those pictures.. I don’t think I can ever get married!! Definitely can’t get married to a ‘nice’ girl..

The concerns have grown beyond friends and family.. It's now the landlord, the security guards and even my maid concerned that I am not married.. I fired the cook and started cooking myself and the maid has been ever so concerned.. She speaks only tamil and kannada, so we have been communicating in keywords and sign language since more than a year now..

Maid: “Bhaiya.. Shaadi illa??”

Me: Huh??

Maid: “Chapati.. Sabzi.. Ladki...”

Me: Okay I got your point.. I don’t want to get married so that the girl would cook for me.. I can hire a cook to do that for me..

Maid: Hitting her palm on her forehead and making an expression of “Nothing can be done about this guy”

The funny part is, I hear similar stories from my friends who are married, but don’t have kids yet.. apparently Bangalore won’t let them be at peace till they have children.. I wonder  bangalore chases people till they reach the grave!!